Babies are the Future

We need more....We need a culture shift

You might not know this about me, but I love babies. My kids will tell you that if there is a baby in the room, I’m drawn to it. It doesn’t matter the sex or the color of the baby, I’m looking at the baby, commenting, and sometimes asking to touch the baby. (yes, I’m careful and thoughtful on that one)

My Marine at 5 months old

It is really surprising that I ended up this way. I saw all of the after school specials when I was growing up. The WORST thing that could happen to a girl in high school was pregnancy. Looking for those specials, I found one, and then several other made for TV movies. My memory tells me there were more, but I couldn’t find them. My mother told me go to school, find a good career, then get married, and then have children. She dropped out of college, got pregnant, and then got married and divorced. She didn’t want me to make the same “mistake.” That’s right, mistake.

I was born in 1974, the year that “mistakes” were legalized to correct. I guess I’m one of the lucky ones, my mom loved babies too. The message has been loud and clear for the last 50 years. Go to school, get a job, then get married, and then have children. Children are a hindrance to the more important things. Children will ruin your life and your plans for your life. In 2008 a presidential candidate stated that he would not want his daughter to be “punished with a baby.” PUNISHED WITH A BABY. Let that sink in people. Look at your child, your grandchild, are any of them a “punishment?”

This week, we had a parent meeting for our wrestling team. One of the moms had to bring her two little ones. They were at the front table. The three year old was watching a video, and the baby, maybe 14 months was babbling and toddling around close to mom. Cute, happy, a mild distraction. I had a wrestler tell me later that she should have made that kid be quiet. Having a kid in there like that was just awful and too distracting. Of course, I told him that happy babies are NOT an issue and the last thing I was about to do was make this mother who was trying to listen leave the room with the baby. When I asked my wrestler about the baby, his first response was “she was so cute.” He then went on to say that she was so happy and he thought it was fun to have her in there. That is a mindset change. That is the mindset change we need.

After my very first pregnancy, at 26, each subsequent baby was met with less and less excitement. This came from family and outsiders. For years, I internalized it. I really thought it was me. It made me try harder and harder to be a “good” mom. Maybe I wasn’t schooling good enough. Maybe we weren’t eating good enough. Maybe my house wasn’t clean enough. (it wasn’t-4 boys are chaotic) Maybe I wasn’t good enough to be the mother of 7. I actually had a preacher tell me once that if I was overwhelmed, God wouldn’t want me to have another child. I was expressing that I was overwhelmed trying to be a “good” Christian too.

Now I’m 50. My fourth son will graduate in May.

Was it overwhelming raising all 7? YES!!! Honestly what made it more overwhelming was feeling that I was doing something wrong in the eyes of society and the church. The constant questions of “Are they all yours?” “Do you know how that happens?” “Are you done?” My husband has worked on call for the last 15 years and we don’t have family around didn’t help either. The “village” doesn’t really like children, so yes, it was hard.

But here’s the deal, THIS is the most important thing I have ever done or will ever do. Babies are not a punishment or a hindrance to the most important things in life, they are the most important things in life. Children are the only thing in life that matters. We can talk finances, and policy, and material things, but none of that matters. Babies matter. Children matter. Our mindset matters. I was not a punishment or a mistake. My children are not a punishment or a mistake. They did not “ruin” my life, they completed it and made me a better human. This is not me advocating for everyone to have a large family. This is me advocating for everyone to come next to that mom with the crying baby and tell her she’s doing the most important work. That mom in the meeting trying to keep the toddler quiet, smile at her. The mom with the screaming toddler in the store that has to finish shopping, just tell her you get it, and this too shall pass. That mom with more than 3 kids trying to contain a busy little guy by putting him on a leash, don’t judge her, she’s keeping him safe. Let’s bring back loving babies and loving motherhood. Let’s teach our daughters that they need a skill to support themselves, but that career is not the highest achievement in their lives. Let’s teach our sons that babies and wives are a privilege and blessing to love and provide for. Here’s my slogan. Make Babies Great Again. All politics aside, let’s bring back loving children. Let’s teach our children that babies won’t “ruin” your life or get in the way. Personally, I can’t wait to be a grandmother.

Here is my plug for a great book. Peachy Keenan has a great take on motherhood.